Slurry Cannon
A pub toilet, an occupied cubicle, and a level of bowel pressure that turned out to have a rather good comparison waiting for it on the internet.
I try to describe what happens with Mounjaro in plain language rather than reaching for anything more clinically polite. There’s a reason the earlier post about 5mg had phrases like “bum rain” in it. I’m not going to start being delicate about it now.
Usually, if I’m going to have an upset stomach, it’s somewhere between 6 and 10am, roughly every other day. It’s eased off a fair bit over time. These days it doesn’t always mean diarrhoea — more often it’s just gas, and usually only the one exit required.
Today broke the pattern completely.
We were out with the dogs, having a post-lunchtime pint of Guinness, when my stomach started sounding like it was having an argument with itself. Loud gurgling. Churning. The sort of noise that makes you glance around to check nobody else heard it.
Pre-Mounjaro, I’m fairly regular — about 10am, a bit earlier if I’ve had coffee. This was well outside that window, early afternoon, no coffee involved. The timing alone told me something was off before anything else did.
I decided I’d best pay a visit.
The pub only had the one cubicle, and it was occupied.
Back to the table, then. Sat with the dogs and the wife, making conversation, while my stomach quietly tied itself into knots. Proper cramping. Sharp pains. I did my best to style it out and not let on that anything was wrong.
Five minutes later I went back. I only just made it.
What followed, I can only describe as a high-pressure slurry cannon.
A jet of semi-liquid excrement, followed by one enormous, grumbling fart that was very clearly forcing the whole issue through. My bowels emptied themselves in a single motion, no negotiation involved.
Somewhere in the middle of it, I remembered a comment I’d read online once, from nowhere in particular:
Sex is great, but have you ever done a really big fart and your tummy ache has just gone?
It was true. The relief from that much internal pressure disappearing at once was, genuinely, orgasmic.